Written on June 19th, 2020 1 week after reopening measures begin in Ontario during the pandemic of COVID-19. This is a journal of my thoughts and feelings.
I’m going to be real. It’s been hard.
Being on lock down for so long has impacted my motivation and productivity. It has led to a lot of negative emotions and stress. I’m sad and I miss things not being this way.
Today I almost cried in the grocery store. Yepp, in the grocery store. Why you might ask? Well, I was just so overwhelmed. While I walked into the grocery store, I noticed my store had lessened some of its protocols including limiting people in the store and employees wearing masks. This alone made the beginning of the long 2-week grocery shop feel a little more ominous. Just a tiny signal went off in my brain to say, “Okay, be strategic. Get in and get out as quick as you can”.
But, on top of that I got yelled at by two customers. I went the wrong way down one of the aisles, the arrows in our grocery store are kind of confusing, and an elderly gentleman decided to loudly point that out. Another woman passive aggressively pointed out I was taking up too much room in an aisle and taking too long to find what I was looking for.
Why do people feel the need to talk to others that way? We’re all having a hard time and grocery shopping is especially stressful right now, why can’t we be friendly to each other instead?
I do want to say I’m continually grateful to have the means to buy food and that my family is not going hungry or scared of going hungry. I know there are so many people for whom this is not the case and who are going hungry. In fact, there was a homeless man offering to help push people’s carts to their cars outside of the grocery store. It brings me so much sadness and anger to see them struggle. How can we not be doing more in our world to help him?
On a more positive note, it’s been lovely having the extra time to spend with our 3 fur-children. Bringing home little Juniper has been a very fun experience and feels like we’ve completed our fur-family once again.
We’re also moving toward our summer holidays and while they won’t look anything like what we thought they would, I know we will still find ways to have fun and it will just be nice to take time off together. We’re taking holidays at the same time this year which will be extra nice. I think we are planning on spending lots of time watching movies, hanging out with the pets, and exploring what’s local instead of travelling like we usually do. We haven’t decided if we will camp again this year given everything going on. Looking forward to this is helping me to get through some of the harder feelings.
COVID has definitely encouraged me to be more go with the flow, flexible, and to readjust expectations. Or, just to have fewer expectations. As I am continually reminded, life can take us in a lot of different directions, and they won’t always be wonderful but we can try to make the best of it regardless. It is also so important to honour our feelings as we continue to deal with this ever-changing crisis.
For the most part, we are still staying in, social distancing, and not seeing friends or family. I’m still very worried about the virus and don’t feel it’s super safe to be out and about. We’ve gotten so used to living this way it feels very strange to remove any of the precautions. My husband and I have had some “car dates”, basically hoping in the car to go for a drive and pop through a drive-thru, and those have been a nice way to connect while we can’t have regular dates. I really hope that through the summer the cases continue to stay low so that we can have a bit of relief from the crisis.
The thing I am most grateful for as a result of COVID is the time I have been able to commit to creating this platform to share my thoughts with you. While I am still new to blogging, it is already bringing me so much joy to connect with others. I’m finding myself very inspired to write and find ways to continue to grow my online content.