Covid Chronicles – Part 14

This is a journal of my thoughts and feelingduring the pandemic of COVID-19Written on May 30th, 2021.

The doctors are saying we have made it out of the 3rd wave. The somewhat unexpected deadliest wave of this pandemic yet in Canada. It feels like we have all just come out to see the sun shine through the clouds again after a huge thunderstorm. And we’re left feeling unsure if it is really over, or if it’s about to start pouring again.

It’s also all too easy to just start thinking, “Okay it’s over now, nothing to worry about”. But it might not be. So we have to hold ourselves in some kind of in-between, breathing a little easier, a little less scared, but not completely letting our guard drop yet.

Vaccination rates are finally climbing, with just one month to go before we get ours.

That moment of getting an appointment was one I will never forget. The excitement, the frantic clicking of buttons and refreshing the page. Trying to type and click as fast as I could to get the earliest appointment possible. The relief of finally getting a date and time, something to work toward, a light at the end of the tunnel. The knowledge that when I finally visit my parents and grandparents that the risks will be much lower, I can embrace my loved ones without the intense fear of possible deadly illness. I took a screen shot of the screen and photo of myself to commemorate this bizarre moment.

Booked my Covid vaccine!

Then soon after we were feeling almost guilty when we read that all the spots had been filled in those 2 short hours and that not everyone had gotten an appointment. If you couldn’t be there right as the clock hit 8:00 am, because you were working or caring for your children or have trouble navigating the mess that is the online booking system, you missed out. While we were happy for ourselves, we were angry and frustrated for others. More waiting.

There always seem to be more twists and turns all along this pandemic roller coaster, just when you think you’re car is about to stop and you’re about to step off. While hope is growing there is still lingering uncertainty, and we are all desperately looking for clarity, clear lines of safe and unsafe.

The struggle now is patience, and let’s face it, patience is very hard for us humans. Somehow it seems we aren’t wired for it. And it’s been a long wait with so much pain a long the way.

And the next hurdle will be to navigate re-opening and establishing the “new normal”, yet how can we do that when we are flying blind? We don’t know what the future holds. I have been struck by this phrase that we keep hearing because the words “new” and “normal” kind of contradict each other. Something cannot both be new, and normal. Also, we must consider, who is curating this “new normal” and with who’s needs in mind?

As we watch our neighbors to the south re-open and fill stadiums we itch just to go into the store, or visit in someone’s back yard. Yet, we have to acknowledge our privilege, that vaccines are here, and are only weeks away (1st doses) while in many other countries there is still much much longer to go. And precious lives will be lost in that time spent waiting.

Despite everything we must continue on in this pandemic journey with it’s ever changing landscape, and someday, maybe even someday relatively soon, the one outside my window will change too.

How are you fairing in this long pandemic journey?

Write soon,

Hannah B.L.

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